Yesterday and today have been a real struggle. I have been committed to a plan to eat three very small meals (yogurt and protein bars) three times a day. Until yesterday I had not slipped a single time in almost two weeks.
Yesterday was a set back and today I do not want to get back on track.
Writing this has helped. Remember, every day is a challenge but you can do it!
My name is Will Hawkins and I am an anorexic. I’ve been fighting with this particular manifestation of my underlying mental illness (depression, obsessive compulsive disorder) for more than a decade.
I assume that you are here because you, too, are fighting anorexia or know someone who is.
I am writing this because I realized that the only way to help myself is by attempting to help others. The only reason I have to recover is the faint hope that my recovery may show another person that they matter, that people love them and that they deserve to live a healthy life.
Any time that I offer advice, it will be written for others but almost surely meant for me. Take the previous paragraph, for example. At the same time that I said other anorexics deserve a healthy life, I am attempting to convince myself that the same applies to me. In other words, this will be a collaborative effort at recovery.
Over time I will do my best to explain my history with the illness. I look forward to hearing from you if you think that sharing your history is helpful for recovery. However, I will not allow any “competition”: “Oh, you aren’t sick. You only weigh 130lbs. I weigh 115lbs.” Each of us has a different history, different biology and different illness. We are all here to work together and cooperate on the path toward recovery.
I sincerely hope that you found this website and realize, even (especially) in your darkest moment, you are a human being capable of loving and being loved, capable of existing in a healthy community and that you can and will succeed in finding a healthy life.